🎶Save Me, Save Me, Save Me From This Cheeze🎶 (with apologies to “The Kinks”)

I  was within a whisker of being done for shop lifting today.

Short version:  Went to Aldi for cheap Prosecco. Saw some Babybel cheeses. “Ooh I used to love those Gaz”.

“Get some,” he says, “only 1 Euro 6O”.

I did. Opened one in the car and said, “Urghh. Why did I think I  liked those?”   Threw them in my shopping basket.

Went to SuperU as couldn’t get our coffee in Aldi. As usual picked up some other stuff. Got to self check out.

“Ha ha”, says so called “Here to effing Help”   😀 smiley face person. “Why is these in zee basket?”.

“I got them in Aldi,” I said with a British Colonial sneer.

”Receipt?” she  says.    I’ve now got three snotty women and a man with a walkie talkie round me.

“In the car?” I said, hopefully, in Fren, as if to prove how innocent and law abiding I was.

“Fetch!” said Walkie Talkie Man, obviously, at the same time relaying this to bloody Interpol.

I returned from car. “Can’t find it,” I say. “You pay then,” says Walkie Talkie man.

“Whateva.   It’s only £1 bloody 20,” I mutter.    Officious woman comes and grabs me Babybels.   Tries to scan them.   The little darlings will not scan.  She gets on phone.   Another officious mother of Satan comes over, grabs me Babybels and goes off to Interpol headquarters probably.    Returns. There are now 50 French people glaring at these thieving foreigners.

“0K.” She say. “You keep Babybels and go”. Obviously they wouldn’t scan cos they don’t sell the bloody things.   With a small show of temper I throw the offending balls into the shopping basket.  This sets off an alarm because an unscanned item has entered the basket.  Or swag bag as we now call it.  I bought that bag to save the children of Mozambique.   See where that act of charity got me.

No apology. No smile, no helping hand.  Nada.  SuperU : U ain’t so bloomin’ Super now.

Carrefour for me from now on.

I am a marked woman.

APPROACH WITH CAUTION

Baby “Bad-Ass” Bel.  Inside for crimes against real cheese.